To Call a Spade a Marmelade

I envy marketing people. Honestly. Well, as honest as you can be when talking about marketing people.

Sure, having to retouch text, images and the truth must be stressful at first. But once you have overcome the limits imposed by your self-appreciation, you will find public masturbation not only acceptable but an integral part of your life. Uh, yeah, and that of others.

Which brings me right to the 2005 press release issued when the Bond University IT faculty was merged into the Business faculty. An irrelevant act per-se, and water under the bridge today. But let's analyze what the bondian spin-quack-doctors made of it:

Press Release, Wednesday 8 June, 2005, Gold Coast, Australia:

So far, so not bad.

Bond Combines Information Technology With Business To Create Super-Faculty

I am sure the term super-faculty was intended to have a positive spin, especially when written capitalized. Not sure, though, what it should mean and the reality after that event did not exactly legitimize the terminology (euphemism alert!). But we are not talking reality here.

Bond University has combined its Information Technology and Business Faculties to create a new super-faculty. The move is in line with Bond's cutting edge approach to IT education where students are groomed for executive-level IT careers in the upper echelons of corporate management.

Cutting edge I reread as cutting corners. But grooming is not so farfetched: a few of the students have problems reading, writing or talking, or any combination of the above. Most definitely executive material, though.

What amazes me is the term combines as it insinuates a symmetric process. Trust me, no symmetry there.

"Bond's Faculty of Information Technology has led the way by introducing degrees that cater for the emerging push to involve IT professionals at the directorship and Board levels of big business," said Garry Marchant, Dean of the Faculty of Business.

And Garry Marchant would know. Especially right after 3 deans of the IT faculty have been sacked in sequence.

Garry Marchant always knew many of these things. You realize that when he continued his argumentation with "... and I am pretty sure that other universities also ...".

"As such, the combination of Bond's Business and Information Technology faculties will allow students to take greater advantage of the strong inter-disciplinary synergies that already exist."

Means in cleartext: We can cheaply produce new degrees just by combining existing subjects and give them a new name.

Bond IT is acknowledged by industry, employers and government as one of Australia's leading professional Information Technology schools and its courses have received top ranking from the Australian Computer Society.

How true! Just two weeks earlier I was sitting besides a business guy at one of the industry breakfasts. When he asked me what was doing, I was foolish enough to mention my Bond engagement. He just laughed: "Get a decent job, young man!".

And has someone ever questioned the business model of the ACS? No?

As part of the new super-faculty, the School of Information Technology will be in a stronger position to build on this established reputation, offering a broad range of information and communication technology degrees for undergraduate and postgraduate students.

Ok, I do not understand that logic. But maybe that is why Garry Marchant is dean and I'm not.

The move also follows many other top-tier Australian and international IT schools that have combined information technology with science, economics, commerce, business, and other related faculties.

This is the moment I would summon my corporate communications director. And slap him (probably her) hard. Defensive kneejerking statements, especially towards the end, are a nono-oh-nonono.

There will be no impact on students enrolled in current degree programs, with all classes proceeding as scheduled.

Sounds good. But is just another lie. Courses were cancelled, of course.

I am probably just unfair. I would guess that at least 5 people spent a week on that text.

And too bad the newspapers did not buy it either.

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